What
does self-esteem mean for you? How do you look at yourself? How do
you feel about yourself?
We
all determine our self-image at an emotional level, based on our own system of
beliefs. For many women, our feelings of self-worth are often gleaned from
the approval of those around us. Think about the ways that you measure
your own self-worth. Many of us feel that being worthy of happiness means
having value in the eyes of others.
But
this approach is unstable. When we let others determine how lovable we
are, we will always meet with disappointment. When we push unfair
expectations on ourselves, we reinforce any harmful thoughts that we have of
ourselves. Striving for personal goals and aspiring for excellence can be
powerful motivations for positive growth. But it is another issue
altogether when we equate perfection and ideals with inner fulfillment and
self-esteem.
We
may focus our energies on enhancing our faces and reshaping our bodies, rather
than looking inward to enhance our confidence or reshape our
self-concept. We have ideas of who we want to be like, how our body
should look, and we know just how we imagine our ideal self to be.
Yet,
our realities are far less than these ideals. As natural as curves of our
hips are the lines on our faces when we smile or laugh or cry. However,
in our beauty-obsessed culture, there is simply no other category for women
seeking achievement than being young, thin, and gorgeous. Think about the
women that you see in the media who are thought of by popular opinion to be
successful. Now think of those same women and ask yourself, which of
those women do most other women wish to be like. It is far too often the
woman who is beautiful and thin whom we admire most. The message is
clear: women are primarily valued for how they look and how desirable they
appear to be. And, as we all know, "you either got it, or you
don't."
We give others the power of judging our intrinsic worth
when we believe that who we are is revealed by how we appear. What
we are led to believe is that we will only be acceptable when we attain the
popular image of perfectly assembled glamor that we both worship as an ultimate
ideal and covet for ourselves.
What is the cost of a woman’s
self-esteem?
Psychologists
suggest that our own estimate of self-worth costs nothing, as it is based
solely within our judgment. Well, this is how it works in theory.
Self-esteem is supposed to be the basis of a healthy relationship with yourself.
Apparently psychologists don’t live in the real world.
So how does this happen? In real life, women
get much information about estimating their self worth based on the opinions
of others, as opposed to their own. A major influence for this is
the advertising media. The average woman sees 400 to 600 advertisements per
day, and by the time she is 17 years old, she has received over 250,000
commercial messages through the media.
It’s
more common to find someone trying to charge you for it, whatever your longing.
How often have you heard these messages?
- No time for exercise?
Had enough with dieting?
Not feeling sexy?
Wish you had rounder, firmer breasts?
Are you craving some fun?
Are you unlucky in love?
Do you dream of finding your soulmate?
Feeling lonely?
Need some excitement?
Tired of the same routine?
Want to see what you're missing out on?
Is your life too hectic?
Do you want to feel desired?
Want to wow your guests at your next dinner-party?
Are you getting what you deserve in life?
Why,
all these can be yours with four easy payments /instant access/free trial/ no
interest...and free delivery, all in the comfort of your own home!
Watching
television, looking through magazines, even walking down a street, these ads
are positioned to grab your attention, with the message: Hey! Lady! This is
the product for you! This is what's missing in your life! You deserve
what you want, so buy this product now!
Well, we all know that the aim of advertisers is to motivate people to buy
more. This is accomplished by the subtle manipulation of people’s emotions. If
the ad can somehow slip past you, to slyly whisper into your ear, it’s all to
their advantage; in this capitalist mentality of Americit’s
all about the almighty dollar. Ad corporations have immense power over our
cultural structure because they monopolize the means of mass communication that
are the popular media.
Over time the culminate effect is 1) that you will eventually have an
emotional response to it 2) we are affected on a deeper level by the
broader messages that we associate with a particular product/lifestyle.
I
think that in our everyday life, as we go about our routines, we've become so
habituated to the rolling sea of ads that what we don't notice is a lot.
We're busy in our worlds, going here and there, seeing that this gets done, and
planning for that event, putting in the hours of labor need to get where we're
supposed to go. So at the end of the day, who has the energy to analyze
what one is seeing? Ads are just fulfilling their purpose, selling
anything that a person could ever have use for. There's a product for
every conceivable demand, and a price tag to go with it. Ads are only
keeping us aware of what we could be buying....right?
Well,
yes and no. Because we live in a materialistic culture, we are encouraged to be
good little consumers, lest we become out of the loop with the latest must-have
gadget or deny ourselves something that we deserve. Why do we fall for it?
Because advertisers and the media are conspiring together to exploit a common
frailty: inner emptiness. The most
profitable consumers are people who buy to fill the emptiness in their lives.
Really, think about it. What are we taught to do when we’re feeling low,
lonely, and anxious?
Author, media activist, and feminist Jean Kilbourne (“Can’t buy my love; how
advertising changes the way we think and feel” is an excellent book that I
HIGHLY recommend!) suggests that our self
estimation is encouraged to be something that we purchase one product at a
time.
“In addition to selling individual products, advertising
teaches all of us to be, above all, consumers. It teaches
us that happiness can be bought, that there are instant solutions to life's
complex problems, and that products can fulfill us, can meet our deepest human
needs.
Advertising sells products but it also sells a great deal more than
products. It sells values, it sells images, it sells concepts of love and
sexuality, of romance, of success, and perhaps above all, of normalcy. To a
very great extent it tells us who we are and who we
should be. However I think that advertising is often overlooked, or is
considered too trivial to really be examined. Because the individual ads are
stupid and trivial, people assume that the whole phenomenon is a stupid and
trivial one.”
(By the way, Jean Kilbourne's latest book,“Can’t buy my love; how advertising changes the way
we think and feel”
is a thoroughly excellent compilation/analysis of many clever ads.
Her honest approach and wry observations of this topic are the gems that make
this book shine. Wonderfully insightful book. Go out and have a look!)
So what happens to the young girl looking at
these advertisements?
What
a young girl sees becomes part of her identity. She adopts the attitudes and
images of the media as “normal” or how things “should” be. In time, she
internalizes these images as to how she should adorn herself and look.
(There is plenty of research to show that the self-esteem of young girls
plummets when they begin junior high school.) This process, however, is not
really obvious and most people don’t notice it. However, if you look at the
depiction of girls in many, many advertisements, they always look timid, shy,
wistful. Girls often have their heads tilted to the side, seeming
delicate and passive. They’re shown looking quiet, holding something,
contemplating.
This translates into real life, where girls are encouraged to be quieter.
Research cited by Kilbourne showed that toddler girls are shushed far, far more
often than are toddler boys. In general, boys make more noise, perhaps because
they are expected to. In this way, life imitates art. In advertisements, boys
are portrayed as robust and active. They are posing in powerful
stances, alert and vigorous, ready to take on the world. They seem
powerful and sure of themselves. They’re taken seriously.
In
contrast, girls tend to look silly and daydreaming.
As she becomes an adolescent, many girls experience a drop in their
self-esteem. Girls often feel conflicted about who they are, and are
unsure of which approach to femininity she should identify with.
Girls
are confused about what it means to be female; having absorbed so many mixed
messages of what is acceptable female behavior, it is no small wonder if she is
easily manipulated by what others tell her. She should be coy and demure, and
yet sexy and teasing. She should be innocent and virginal, and yet
temptingly desirable to men. She learn that "normal" for her
means that she is obsessed with boys. She should be original and unique,
and yet dressed exactly like the celebrities and pop stars that she
admires. She should be assertive and intelligent, and yet agreeable
and more concerned with conceding a point than in making one.
Young
girls quickly learn that it is better for them to choose the path of least
resistance and meet these expectations. They know that it is preferable
to be quietly accommodating than to be natural and think independently.
Oftentimes, girls define who they are by how they dress, choosing brands as
status symbols and developing intense interest in clothing based on the
attitudes that they think they should have.
For myself, as a teenage girl, I didn’t identify with any of the women or
images on television or other media. I didn’t want to be like any particular
female ideal, which seemed to me as frivolous and shallow. It was
extraordinarily difficult for me in trying to find a means of
self-expression. My role-model was always the poetic yet cynical
iconoclast, so I found my inspiration in men like John Lennon and worshiped the
writings and music of daring dreamers and angry idealists.
It
has only been recently that I have discovered these qualities in women as well.
But, I sure as hell never found women whom I could respect and look up
to in any fashion magazine or television show. It has really been more of
a personal quest in my search for my own feminine ideal. And it is only
by means of this discovery that I've found my own strong sense of self, through
the inspired writings, art, music, and activities of strong, intelligent women
who aren't afraid to voice their opinions of the world.
What happens when she becomes a woman?
All
too often, women do not find empowering inspiration for building their
identities. Sadly, many young women fall into a downward spiral of
insecurity, picking up the pieces of a fragmented self. Many women are
victimized in this pattern, often resulting in disorders like anorexia or
bulimia. Estimates are that one in four college aged women has an eating
disorder. Research suggests that this currently is the fastest growing epidemic
for American women; it recently passed up depression for fatalities in the United States.
The obsession with thinness has been suggested as being a way of persuading
women to be smaller, to be quieter and to take up less space. Being
smaller and quieter and more childlike, they aren’t as much of a threat. It
reinforces what people already expect of women – of what it is to be
female. Advertising both reflects this culture and reinforces it.
Women in ads are often shown as bent over, covering her mouth, staring into
space. She seems to be always yearning, reaching, posing. Women internalize these messages, often feeling that to
be like the feminine ideal, she must be like the images she sees by
adorning her body and transforming her face. These are symbolic of
covering her real self, painting the self to enhance it. Once again, it's
not who she is, but what she represents. Being “feminine”
means being interesting to men – when it comes right down to it. All of these
messages are conflicting.
So many women look to fashion magazines for advice on how to become the
feminine ideal. Magazines (like Cosmo, Glamour, Seventeen, Jane) offer
advice/inspiration on dieting, fashion, makeup, sex, relationships, etc…that
perpetuate these gendered expectations of being female. It is ironic then that
the only effect these popular magazines have had is to make many women feel as
though they are not good enough, as they are forever aspiring to be thinner,
hotter, more beautiful, more pleasing, wilder, carefree, put-together, and
flawless. These myriad messages do little in the way of empowering or
reassuring women that they worthy of love and respect, as many women reading
these articles feel that they will never quite become all that they could be
for their loved ones. Much energy and time is put into striving for these
ideals, but reading these articles often only add to their mental strain in
their labors to fulfill the roles that they have embraced.
How are these stereotypes reinforced?
We
don’t realize how much advertising affects us. We don’t understand how we’re
being influenced. Obviously, if we did catch on to the psychology of this
persuasion, it wouldn't work on us. We tend to think that we have more power
over what we believe than do the images that get into our heads. Sometimes we
think it’s just about buying or not buying a product. But in reality, it's so
much more complex than this.
What can we do about it?
Stop the social comparison process!
A study in Science
Daily reports that for even as little as one to three minutes, women
looking at the glamorous models in magazines say that they feel badly about
their own bodies. The University of Missouri-Columbia study concludes
that women would benefit from limiting their exposure to idealized bodies of
other women. In a nutshell, we would feel better about our own
bodies if we weren't so affected by these images of female
beauty/thinness. So what's a girl to do?
Here are some guidelines that can help you work toward a positive body
image:
(Adapted from BodyLove: Learning to Like Our Looks and Ourselves, Rita
Freeman, Ph.D.)
1. Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.
2. Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on
your genetic and environmental history.
3. Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of
size.
4. Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and
shape.
5. Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be
gentle with yourself.
6. Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family
when life is stressful.
7. Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the
"perfect body image" or enjoying
family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.
Think of it as the three A's....
– Attention -- Refers to listening for and
responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue).
– Appreciation -- Refers to appreciating the
pleasures your body can provide.
– Acceptance -- Refers to accepting what is --
instead of longing for what is not.
Where do you place your worth?
“You
know, no matter how many products you buy, how many things you have, if you're
feeling empty inside, these things aren't going to make any difference or
they're going to make a difference in a very short term way. What makes a
difference in our lives is the quality of our relationships and the
meaningfulness of our work, and that, you know, that has nothing to do with
buying things.” Jean Kilbourne
“…advertisers use our dreams, our desires, our emotions, which are real,
which are powerful, to sell us things which we don't really want. It's not as
though we're tricked into buying them. But they're not the sources of
happiness. Happiness and satisfaction flow from other things. Our society
simply can't quite provide those things right now." Sut Jhally
For more Info:
A good
piece by Jean Kilbourne:
http://www.newint.org/features/2006/09/01/culture/
Women and media images:
(Btw: check out the Archive of Offenders)
http://www.about-face.org/
Girls who are redefining beauty:
http://www.newmoon.org/
